Fear of Flying...

I took this photo on our flight home from Chicago in 2008.

If you REALLY knew me...you'd know one thing for certain about me: I am terrified of flying!! Ok. Kind of. It's weird. I'm not afraid of planes themselves, I'm not afraid of heights or seeing the ground 40,000 feet below me, I'm not afraid of taking off or landing, and I am not even afraid of turbulence (because it makes me feel like I am in a car on the road, all the bumps)! I'm afraid of the plane leveling out once you've reached that magic altitude and hearing the engines roar slower and being turned down ever-so-slightly and not being able to feel the pressure of my body against the chair from ascending or descending any longer! I am also not afraid of the possibility of death in a crash or mishap, I'm not afraid to die, I am afraid of HOW my death would take place in a crash...I do not want to fall thousands of feet while in fear, I rather the plane just blow up instantaneously without a know in the world (wouldn't anyone?) ALSO, what irks me the most is trusting the pilots.

Mom and I in 2008, on a flight to Chicago. Making fun of me being scared.

I usually ALWAYS fly with Southwest Airlines. Number one reason, it has cheap flights and free baggage, number two reason, I am the Nanny of a Southwest Flight Attendant! And Ann (Girls' Mom) always tells me how late they get in on their 2 or 3 days of over-night trips to their hotels and how early they have to be back in the lobby in the morning, compared to the time zone at home! Or that the crew all goes out to dinner after and that the pilots always like to have their drinks and party....So I'm not sure I trust that my pilot is well-rested and hunky-dory to fly, always!
I am prescribed Valium just for when I fly. However, the last 2 trips I have taken to California & back I have NOT taken a Valium, but I DID clutch onto my chair rests and almost had a panic attack and had to make the poor lady behind me talk to me so I would be distracted. I know the statistical percentages on how flying is really not dangerous. It's 100x more likely that I could die in a car crash on my WAY to the airport than to even have something go wrong with the plane in flight. I pray, bring magazines, listen to music, and read, but what are other things that can distract me from my (super irrational and energy-draining) fear!!? Is anyone else the same way??! PS. I am flying to Northern California in THREE days...!!